Kompostien planeetta

Iski eilen kirjoitusinspiraatio, ja naputtelin yhdeltä istumalta kesäisen scifiparodianovellin. Ladattavissa vapaasti tuolta: https://thebackupcolony.org/product/varissuo/


Ensimmäinen luku:


“Sirs, I think we have found it,” Chief Biologist Ojaranta emitted to the plants around the greenhouse table.

It took a while for the molecules to reach the sensory organelles of the prestigious audience.

“Elaborate,” King Manu replied after sniffing and processing the news.

Chief Biologist Ojaranta sipped a glass of Aura fertilizer, turned his leaves towards the UV lamp and started emitting:

“We have received a new batch of spectroscopy results from the Rubble space telescope that has found eight new exoplanets in the Kinky Way galaxy.

“It seems one of them – which we have decided to name “Varissuo” – has all the conditions for life: Carbon dioxide, liquid water and gravity of about 1 g. It does have a toxic concentration of oxygen in its atmosphere, which makes life improbable – at least intelligent life – but other than that, we consider Varissuo the most promising place in the known Universe.”

“On my orders, prepare a planted mission to the said planet, with the task of finding out whether Turkuforming its atmosphere would be technically and ethically feasible,” King Manu emitted. “In other words, if there is any intelligent life that would suffer if the composition of the atmosphere is changed,” he went on. “We don’t want that.”

“Yes, sir. The new Intergalactic Spaceship Turella, which was launched at the Pansio spaceshipyard last year, should be capable of handling such a mission, carrying two föris for performing a number of hops from the orbit to the surface and back,” Chief Engineer Myllysilta replied.

“Very well,” King Manu acknowledged. “Choose the best possible crew for the mission,” he thought aloud but soon corrected: “On second thought, let’s make Captain Kanerva head of the mission. Lightyears away, he can’t cause any more scandals. Lord knows, we’ve had enough of them. And you better go as well, to make sure that the systems remain operational. And for the third crew member, we need someone who can actually fly these things. Any suggestions?”

“How about Heil Farmstrong?” Understatement Secretary Horst Kibbutz suggested. “He is the best crap duster on the whole planet. If he can fly a Heideken triplane, modern spacecraft will surely pose no problems for him.”

And so Heil Farmstrong, crapduster in sixteenth generation, was nominated as the Varissuo module pilot for the mission. Turella was capable of maneuvering on Autopilot, so it did not need a dedicated pilot; an Aura can tied to the wheel to simulate the touch of a pilot would be enough.



Viivästettyä kuolemantuomiota istuva pienen tytön insinööri-isä. ALS vienyt liikunta- ja puhekyvyn, mutta nykytekniikan avulla elämässä kiinni pysyminen onnistuu vallan mainiosti. Periksi ei anneta niin kauan kuin silmät liikkuvat.
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